It was so nice to get the call yesterday. And now I have a nice rental car, so I'm not trapped; I can go out during the day and do whatever I want. And I'll have my own car back soon (hopefully).
BF and I had a nice little date last night. Dinner was okay, but the restaurant had let a group of seventy-five women take over the dining room. They were making announcements, giving away prizes, applauding at everything; it put a real damper on our meal (which was otherwise pretty yummy. We complained to the manager about our problem with the large, loud group, and she comped our meal. After dinner, we went to see Iron Man 2, which I thought was pretty good for an action hero movie. It didn't let out until close to midnight, so we just went home and went to bed.
Today, I'm hoping for the energy to get my vegetable plants planted in the garden. It's a nice sunshine-y day and I would really love to be able to get out there and do some work. We have lots of sprouts that need to go into the ground: peas, beans, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, and hot and bell peppers. I know there are more, I'm just cant remember them.
The best news of the week: BF and I are going to Madison Square Garden to see Pearl Jam. I'm very excited, it's gonna be a blast. This will be the third time I've seen them live and I love the concerts.
Alright, that's enough for now. I'll write again soon.
I'm pissed...and sad. I loved that car. It was my first real substantial adult purchase. I spent five years paying the damned thing off, and now, almost a year to the day after I've paid it off, this happens. So now they'll say it's totaled, write me a check for somewhere around five thousand dollars, and send me on my way, and I will have to go through the pain in the ass of buying a new used-car for less than half of what I spent for my Jetta. I felt like I had the car thing covered, at least for the foreseeable future. It was nine years old, but it was still in good shape.
So until I find out what the insurance companies have to say about the matter, I'm stuck playing a waiting game. And until this guy accepts liability for the accident, I don't even have a rental to drive because, yes, I am that cheap and wouldn't pay the eight dollars a month to have one covered under my own policy and I have to wait for his insurance carrier.
So now here I am. Things are starting to look up. Despite the chemo fatigue, I'm driving again, I'm going out, I'm even gardening. But I'm lonely. I have my BF, and he's pretty much my everything. He's been gone since yesterday morning, off to Milwaukee to by a new motorcycle (one I can ride on this time!) and without him here it occurs to me that I've go nothing to do. I'm still in touch with a couple of girls, just by phone and email, i miss 'em. It's just hard to try to reestablish relationships knowing that I may have to reschedule six times, or just cancel all together or get sick in the middle of being out and having to cut out early.
It never occurred to me when I was well that any of this could happen. That I'd get sick. That I'd lose my friends. That I'd become so dependent. This doesn't feel like me anymore.
I know. I said that there was another post coming, like soon, after that last purge of an entry. Things have just been, well I guess very productive and a little exciting, but mostly boring.
After I left the hospital I went to my most-excellent-Mother’s house to rehab, and there was plenty of rehab. I couldn’t walk or stand. My legs were like Jell-o. But with the help of my physical therapist and my own strength-of-will I got up and walking with a walker in about a month. By the middle of February I had already been walking around without the walker for a while. At the same time we were still controlling (and are still controlling) my GI issues. I have to suction my stomach through a gastronomy tube that goes through my abdomen and at night I get feedings through a jejunal tube that bypasses my stomach and feeds me directly into my small intestine. Lovely, eh?
Anyway, by the end of February I felt well enough to get out. In fact I felt that it was imperative that I leave the state and do something fun. After all, after six months in the hospital “cabin fever” doesn’t ever begin to describe it. So we booked two tickets to Vegas and flew out there. The trouble is, we’re not really the “Vegas types”; we don’t really gamble, go to dance clubs, drink, or pay highly inflated rates to fly over the Grand Canyon or the Strip, but we still thought that there’d beplenty to keep us busy. And there was a lot, just not enough. We had a great dinner at a nice restaurant, saw two Circue du Solieil shows. But we ended up taking a five hour drive to the Grand Canyon only to find that there was a very localized snowstorm that had whited out all of the “scenic vistas” we’d been waiting so long to see. And other than that and a couple little side trips, we spent a lot of time sitting in our hotel room watching Olympic curling and fighting over whether or not it was my fault the vacation was going so badly. But, great vacation or not, we got away and it actually did wonders for our relationship. It was really hard for BF to deal with me being hospitalized for six months and essentially being hospitalized for another two months at my Mother’s house.
Once we got home from Vegas and I moved back home with BF, things got a lot better between us. I’ve been able to do a lot more to help around the house, and BF is more understanding about the things that I can’t do. And not to get too intimate, but things have been a lot better in that department as well.
So now we’re just living life as best we can. The house is still not-quite-renovated, the laundry never ends, and half the boxes are still packed from the move, but we’ve got our own house, I’m building a vegetable garden in the side yard, BF’s building a deck in the back, the little guy’s about to turn five and he’s getting a great big play set with swings and a slide for the back yard. Things are good. We’re happy. I’m doing a round of chemo a month; I’ve had three so far and they’re not so bad. Oh and before I forget, my step-mom’s pregnant again, so I’ll be getting a new baby brother in six months. It’s pretty exciting.
Well, I guess that’s it for now. I’ll write again. Can’t promise when, but hopefully soon! Thanks for bothering to read!
Real quick, here's the rundown of the last seven months. I went to the ER with abdominal pain, fever, and unexplained shortness of breath on June 19th. I was admitted to The Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania where my aspiration pneumonia continued to worsen for another two weeks before my lungs failed and I was intubated. I was intubated for a month while the doctors tried to keep me on this side of deaths door. I had acute respiratory distress syndrome and then as that was clearing up I developed adrenal insufficiency syndrome, which was another difficult fight. After I was transferred out of the ICU, I developed methhemoglobinemia as a side effect of one of the drugs I was on and it kept me there even longer.
I was transferred to a phical rehab because I had muscle wasting and neuropathy in my lower limbs. For two weeks I worked hard to get walking again, but then had another episode of aspiration pneumonia that landed me in Einstein's ICU for two weeks and then I was moved to the ICU at Thomas Jefferson University. This was the beginning of October. I spent October and November getting new aspiration pneumonias and recovering from them. In December they finally decided to do something more permanent to make me better. They surgically placed a combination G/J tube into my stomach and jejunum. The G tube drains all of the acid and food out of my stomach so that I can't aspirate and the J tube delivers daily tube feedings lower down into my digestive tract so that I still get the nutrition I need. After recovering from the surgery for a few weeks I actually got to come home. December 18, I was released and came home to my mom's house. I've been working hard with a physical therapist that comes to the house two times a week and now I'm walking with a walker and can even climb the steps now, though it still wears me out pretty badly.
While recovering I started loom knitting hats and I've turned my interest in it into a charity, knitting hats for the homeless. You should check it out.
Knit for the Needy
Well that's life right now, hopefully I won't have to tell that story again anytime soon. I'll write again soon, I've got plenty to say, but for now I'm going to be off.