I'm trying very very hard to hold it together right now. I hate pointless crying. I try my hardest to channel those emotions to something else. It's really fucking hard though.
Yesterday, I got a call from a Social Studies Supervisor at a highly accredited national online charter school. I had sent her my resume back in March and she thought she had a position for me. It was only part-time and not a whole lot of money, but that's okay, it could be a foot in the door. I would be teaching economics, which I'm not crazy about, but hey - it's a job.
So I spoke with her yesterday and we scheduled a phone interview for this afternoon. She said she was impressed with my resume and thought I would be a good fit for the position, that changed pretty quickly when I brought it to her attention that I am not a PA Certified Teacher as she had just assumed. It's not on my resume, in fact I thought it would be obvious to anyone who got ahold of my resume that that was missing. But apparently no and the interview came to a crashing close after that.
I am so angry and so sad and so frustrated. I can't get job because I'm not certified and I can't get certified because I'm too sick. And being sick is the main point behind getting an online job - I can't pull the 7-5, M-F hours that teachers work, plus clubs and grading and mandatory staff meetings. I just can't do it. I tried it and I missed six days in six weeks.
And I still haven't heard back from the first job I interviewed for. I still applied for another online job when I found the listing, but I'm not optimistic about getting that one either.
I studied my ass off. I worked when I could hardly move. I went to more classes than I can count with migraine headaches, limped all over campus, was always the last person the leave an essay test because my painful swollen hand held me back. When I graduated from community college, where I could take as many classes as I could find online and campus was one building (okay, I'm lying, it's more like five), I had straight A's and I graduated with a 3.81 GPA. My health was also better then, but over the last couple years it has seriously deteriorated. Things were much harder at my Big Urban University. I had to commute and then walk blocks to class. I had to attend five classes a week, in a real classroom, with real, hard chairs that made my hips ache. I still managed to work my ass off and get everything I needed to get done with a 3.2 GPA. Academically I've got it. I got a certificate from the C⊗llege Board congratulating me for being in the all-time top 15% of Social Studies Content knowledge Praxis test takers. I know my shit. In my education courses, I had all A's until I got sick my second to last semester and got a B- for my lack of attendance. I Just Can't Student Teach. I don't want to be a traditional classroom teacher. I don't want to work in the traditional education system. But I'm forced to do it for three months with three sick days if I want to teach anywhere. Ya know sometimes when it feels like discrimination it really is.
I had hoped so hard these last few months that I could do it, that I could get a private online job without having certification. Those hopes are rapidly fading. I'm going to write a letter to the Secretary of the Pennsylvania Department of Education. See if someone who can do something if he wants to will do it.
Good, I feel less like punching something now...and BF can understand how this is therapeutic.