I'm not one for praying, but...

After discussing my educational plans with BF last semester, we agreed that it was probably the best idea for me to hold off on grad school for a year or so after I graduate in May to let me get my feet wet as a teacher and see if it's really what I want to spend my life doing (or at least this part of my life; I definitely plan to have more than one career). I had found a very highly reputed school in New England that had a program for Education of the Gifted and Talented. The program sounded great, two online classes for four semesters and two two-week summer sessions on their campus. But, I agreed to wait, or to hold off on making any real decision.

Well this week I decided to make a decision. I emailed four of my professors requesting recommendation letters, I faxed my transcripts, and I went ahead and took the plunge, filing my application. Of course I told BF what I was doing first, not really looking for advice this time as letting him know what I was definitely doingl. I'm not often so assertive; it's rather empowering. He stil doesn't think it's a great idea, but he can see where I'm coming from. There really was no time for debate, the deadline for application is three weeks away.

I've already received one of my recommendation letters. My professor, an alumnus of the university I'm applying to, sent me a copy of the letter containing the most glowing praise I've ever read. It was almost embarrassing. If the rest are even close to that I think I've got a pretty good chance at acceptance. I'm really excited for the first time in a great while about my education. I was in a gifted program in elementary school and my times there were some of the best of my school days. I would love to be involved in one of those programs.

I'm also nervous about my education for the first time. When I was a senior in high school I really didn't think much about college; I thought my mediocre grades would keep me out of any good school, so I pretty much accepted community college as my only option and they accept everyone, so there were no nerves there. I did apply to one good school, only because they were local and they had a free application if you filed online. I was shocked when they accepted me; I had graduated with a 2.1 GPA. I can only assume that my high SAT scores (30 points short of a perfect verbal and an above average math) were my ticket in. But once I looked at how much money my parents made and how much money the school cost and how much debt I was going to be in after graduation, I politely declined their invitation and enrolled in community college at about a tenth of the price, which the state paid for in full (sometimes it pays to be poor). After I earned my A.S, I transferred to a bigger, better school downtown under an agreement that they had with my community college. All I had to do was keep my grades over 3.0 and they would accept all of my courses as fulfillment of their freshman/sophomore curriculum.

So now I'm in a wholly new place, I actually want this and it's not guaranteed. There are no other programs like it in the country. No backup school. If they don't accept me, I'll just teach high school history as I planned, get married as planned, and reapply once I've got some employment references. And cry of course. I've never won anything, but it's generally because I haven't tried. As come easy. Professors like me. But this is a whole new realm and hopefully a whole new journey.

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