My back has been one giant mess, pain from shoulders to hips, for about five days now. I'm trying to get in to see a new chiropractor to get some relief because even though I have autoimmunological, muscular, and neurological issues that are causing me pain, a lot of what I experience in my back and hips is structural. One leg is shorter than the other, that twists my pelvis and throws my hips out of line, and I have four vertebrae in my spine, lumbar and cervical, that just tend to pop slightly out of place and misalign everything else. And though I can write all this crap down, there's little I can do about it besides gobble down pain killers every four hours and alternate my heating pad between top and bottom.
Hopefully the new chiropractor will squeeze me in sometime tomorrow, so that I don't have to wait until they're back in the office on Friday. That would suck. Not that I have anything exciting planned, but I was hoping to be able to leave the house and this makes getting in and out of the car or walking just about any distance really really difficult and driving and darvocet don't mix and I hate being trapped here.
No Matter What! I'm going to my mom's tomorrow to have her help me dye my hair blonde. I've been talking about it since before the hospital stint and I'm determined to get it done. I've never been one to stick with a hair color for too long. It's been several shades of red, blonde, brown, black, purple, and a weird combination of red, blonde, and black all at once. It was fun to be a teenager. Once I get this certification/employment situation figured out, if it goes my way, I'll have an online job and the freedoms that go with those, such as not having to have a hair color that could be someone's natural color, and my lovely locks will be purple once again. I can't wait.
Oh and I never made it to church on Sunday due to my evil back, but I'm going to try my hardest to get there next week. BF has even said that I can take the little guy along to see if he is into the children's program that they have there after I promised that it was entirely benign, arts & crafts, no Jesus. Wouldn't want to step on either bio. parent's spiritual beliefs.
I've been feeling better on the whole lately. Less depressed, less exhausted, no need for oxygen. I've had some issues with chest pain, which I still haven't talked to my doctor about, but I'm under the impression that chest pain is a normal symptom of PH that some (if few) patients experience. I could be wrong, something could be terribly wrong warranting a consultation with the doc, as BF and my mom seem to think, but nothing else seems to be wrong related to that so I'm just going to let it go for now.
I've been reading "Life Disrupted" and "Beyond Chaos", both about relating to and as someone with a chronic illness and giving me insight into the other side, the significant others feelings. I'm hoping that after BF reads them that we'll be able to talk about our situation some more and that I'll feel more comfortable with it. I wish I weren't such a worrier, but I am. I need to know that he knows what he's getting into, what I need from him now, what I may very well need from him in the future, what it is like to be me, what our life together might be like. I don't want to let illness overtake my life, but I feel like the sooner we deal with these issues and have our "plan" in place, even if its a plan that says that all of our normal plans can and may be scattered, then we'll be better prepared, I'll be more comfortable, and it will be easier to move past this dead zone that has come down around us. I know that I still have plenty of issues to deal with after that, the least of which is what the hell are we going to do when I run out of money from my student loans sometime in the next month or two and have no income, but there really isn't anything I can do about that one except apply for more stupid part time clerical jobs, which is what I'm doing. So yeah.
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